The news, a drink and yelling at the dude across the table.

A bright sunny afternoon shines down on a middle age man walking a busy Chicago street. He steps inside a coffee shop and sits down at a table, already occupied by a man who looks remarkably similar.

Is it cool if I sit here?

Sure-Hey you, you're me.

Well, constructed. Let's talk for a second.

You want to talk with me?

Well, more accurately, you want to talk with you; but you're not listening.

So...

So you are taking a stand and interrupting.

That sounds like me-

What are you doing right now, where are you going?

I am having a drink and reading the news. Is there someplace else you would rather be?

Well, as much as I enjoy kyping wi-fi and reading articles that I've already read before, what do you say we do something new for a change?

It appears that I talk to myself now, that's not good enough?

As much as I would like to entertain my own wit, I am going to ignore you for a moment to get to my point.

A point-

You need to do something, you need to accomplish something with your life. You're obviously gifted and have the desire to accomplish great things, why aren't you doing them?

-its just the news and a drink.

Great, you are going to force me to argue with myself in public and put up with my sarcasm?

It's a defense mechanism. Apparently it works internally too.

Seriously, you are a writer. Why aren't you writing? Why aren't you speaking? Why aren't you attempting to change things you don't like about this world? Why haven't you done anything you've wanted to do?

You know a lot of these things are easier said than done? Despite the witty exposition and dialog between me and - me, there isn't much demand for my writing. In fact, there isn't much demand for me. I have a job that required less thought than when I was un-employed, bills and no market value what-so-ever. People don't care. I am just a dude at a table in a coffee shop that no one will remember.

You are an incredibly large pansy.

Wow, I am an ass.

No, I mean it. That was the most self-serving, cheese and whine, girl-scout answer I have ever heard. But if it helps, you have got the delivery for it.

What could you possibly mean by...

No, that's a compliment. You rocked that delivery. You have got everyone sold with that response. "The economy sucks, the market sucks, the world sucks." You got it so good that you believe it too.
(Beat)
You do believe it; you think that you totally worked yourself out of life and the game is over.
(Another Long Pause)
I honestly do not care what you think is the cause of your situation is because there is very little you can do about it. Life happens, most of it will be completely un-explainable. Move on.

Thank You, Master Ugi. Anything else?

Since when did the things other people were doing become important?

They were always important, I just didn't care as much because I was always at the top of the pile.

Wow.

Well, I am talking to myself; PC answers seem a little pointless.

A fair point. But lets be honest about something else. You have wanted to be the head of every pile, in every category. But as long as you were doing something you loved, you were good with that. And if you were really sinking your teeth into something, you excelled at it. So just do something you like to do; regardless of who it is for or who will ever see it.

And my mind-numbing job?

Well, some things won't change. You took the hard route in life - get yourself out of it.

And the countless lives I wanted to change for the better?

Doesn't matter anyway if you are stuck in your own hole.

A long pause as both stare at the people walking outside.

And what if I don't have the desire to change, what if I really can't get out of this hole?

Just get started, the rest will come from somewhere.
(Beat)
You know, what about a short story about a kid who has a heart to heart with himself.

Sounds kind of boring, but the dialog could be pretty snappy if he was talking to his other half...

You mean better half.

I am fairly certain you are more annoying than you think.

Yeah, your friends think so too.

...allright.

A wise man once said.

Read this tonight, I think the author is right on many levels and funnier than most people realize.

"The more I read about it, the more it seems that Watson's (or its programmers') Jeopardy accomplishment was more breakthrough than parlor trick. Let's put it to practical use on our toughest problems like figuring out how to reduce the deficit without touching entitlements, why we keep getting so many credit card offers in the mail when we never respond to them, or how to keep Lindsay Lohan out of trouble."

Let's get this thing off the talk shows and do something with it. Besides, I got the Lohan thing figured out; put me in charge of her money.